This morning just when I was about to start work by opening up my laptop, I looked out at the window and it started drizzling. And suddenly a song came to my mind... Flames to dust, lovers to friends. These few days I have been in constant contact with my ex for work purposes. Don't get me wrong, I have no feelings for him anymore. 

Butttttt how did two people who were once so in love could suddenly be reduced to some sort of friends? The pain, the hate could actually destroy that burning flames to actually dust. That man whom I was once so in love with, that I could remember every single thing of him and suddenly I realized that I couldn't even remember was what his real name (because he has an alias) or even his email. And I was together was this man for almost a year? I genuinely thought that my kids will turned out looking quite good. Haha.

Then it came to the time where I had to leave my work and bring my Grandma to the hospital. My running nose was back and Gabe and I were rushing for lunch. We had brunch in like 15 minutes can you imagine how bad it was.. 

The appointment was quite first but my grandma kept asking silly questions and #tellstory -.-'' and it doesn't help when I'm feeling super drowsy due to the flu medicine and the lack of sleep. And my grandma still wanted to purchase joss sticks and incense paper after the appointment ended at 5.30pm. And it doesn't help that in between I was rushing to submit my names.  Dead beat.

But I still persevered no matter how irritated or exhausted I was, but just imagine... A sick taking care of an elderly. I can't even take care of myself lehhh. (How am I even gonna have kids?!! )Anyway I brought her to Liang Court to try Tamoya and she was like "Soup damn salty, don't drink so much". I don't know if I should laugh or cry. 

Thankful for the sweet bf that offered to walk my dog for the past two days and for bringing my grandma to the hospital with me (eventhough I'm claiming my so called "Compensate Day Out").

And I came home feeling all wonky and sad due to my sisters. Sometimes, I can't believe how selfish they are or in fact how selfish they have became. I have secretly given up on them. I once thought if I were to give my best, be more tolerant, eventually things will get better. But nope, I pretended that I'm had a bad mood all day long and I just slowly started talking less. Once bitten twice shy. I used to be so upset whenever I find out that my elder sisters are closer to each other. Now, I just don't give two fucks to anything. 

Some people would say that you should never give up on your family members. I beg to difer. Everyone has their own limits,.I'm sure after hitting the wall numerous times with a hammer, it will crack eventually. Being the youngest doesn't mean that people could step all over our heads? And to hell with the bullshit that parents dote on me the most. The irony is that it might be true.. I mean naturally.. My friends can hang out with my mum and besides, I'll never let my mother walk behind my boyfriend and I. Perhaps this should serve as a wake up call.

Okayyyy, so despite all the negativity. I have never felt so thankful tonight not because of my bf (don't get angry Gabe hehe) but because I spoke to someone who made me feel so much better. What are the odds of me speaking to her friend honestly? But I'm thankful that she's objective and made me see things clearer. Despite all that, I'm still quite bent on staying in my own little hermit shell and not get hurt. 

My obsession with "not getting hurt" will kill me someday honestly. I might become some loner that doesn't communicate with anyone to eliminate all sources of human interaction and connection.